12/30/2011

Shopping with women

I went to a crowded big city mall today. H&M, Marshalls, Forever21...  Lots of women shopping.  And it was crowded.  really crowded.  with ONLY women.  like 100% women
It was cut throat!  they're right on top of each other, kinda shoving.  grabbing clothes.
but no eye contact.
If this was a dudes-only scene it woulda come to blows

it felt like some scene from the serengeti where wilderbeasts are climbing over each other to get across some brown dirty river.
Just the density of women was shocking. U can't fit this many guys into one area without a totally different feel to it

I was with my wife but i swear i was the only dude.  they were mostly young-women's stores so I was the only husband. The only guy period!

then at one point, my wife picked up something and a pushy girl next to her said "that's cute!"
Can u believe they say this?  "that's cute?"
Imagine a tiny room, stuffed with dudes, grabbing clothes and one says "that's cute".  Sadly it just doesn't happen.  because if it did, it'd be super cute.

but this is why i love women.  because in a pushy store, i'm the biggest and strongest.

12/25/2011

when your teams suck... on ambien

it's a bummer.  like a mild headache all day long, you can't shake it.  it doesn't cripple you.  or make you starve.  my kids are healthy and safe (at least they were when they went to sleep).
things could be worse.  but it still sucks.
we all go through it... unless you don't like sports.
here's my version:

the cowboys - either they're heartless/gutless/bitches or they're not that good.  i really can't tell which.  this coming sunday night, they'll play the last game of the season on nat'l TV.  everyone will be watching.  winner of the game grabs the NFC East and goes to the playoffs.  loser goes home and thinks about it for 7 months.  the cowboys will lose.  they just will.  this team loses every big game they ever play.  they even lose easy games just to set up "must win" situations.  then lose those.
it's only a matter of how they'll lose this coming sunday.  here are the most likely options:
A)  44-17.  blown out from start to finish.  they get 14 in garbage time.  trail 27-3 at half.  i rate this most likely.
B)  they blow a big lead and lose in the last minute
C)  they trail all game but come back late, only to fall short

the lakers - they have no chance of winning it all this year.  thats something that almost every team can say at the beginning of every season.  but not the lakers.  they expect to win it all.  but (li'l history) their star center had a psychotic break in the playoffs last season, causing them to lose a series they should have won.  so they traded him for the best point guard in the NBA.  but the commissioner of the league held a coup, vetoed the trade, embarrassed the teams and players involved, and now the despised center is back.  in the aftermath, their 3rd best player on the team quit, so they sold him.  and now they are much worse than they were before.

the dodgers - i don't think they still play baseball.  they're just a fantasy team now.

so i'm moving on to a new phase of sports enjoyment.  rooting against teams.  it's what you do (what i do) when your teams suck.  some people jump to other teams.  that's not my bag baby.  i think that's cowardly and spineless.  you gotta stick with your team, even when it sucks most years.
i hate the celtics.  and they're gonna lose this year.  a lot.  but no matter how well they do, they won't win a championship.  and that'll be nice to watch.
i hate the steelers.  and they're gonna lose this year too.
yay hate!

12/21/2011

i may be crazy...

but when i'm on a plane, and that intense turbulence happens (like 'oh shit, is this it?'), my first thought is:
"well, not my fault.  i get to die completely blame free.  phew!"

what does this mean?

please, 4 readers, tell me.

12/19/2011

In the movie about you...

I saw this picture in sports illustrated and suddenly realized why we use that common phrase.



we're trying to tell people what they look like without sounding racist, or mean.
sounds better to say "i'll be you get played by Steve Buscemi"
than
"you're fucking ugly"

12/15/2011

i went to a bar!

i talked with friends
i met new people
i was a socialite
and it was fun

then again i also worked out tonight.

and tomorrow i'm gonna bust some ass at work.  yah!  who's with me!

12/13/2011

ok this is just weird

i really don't exist in the same way that i used to
it feels kinda like (this is an analogy, this didn't happen to me) a professional athlete must feel when they retire in their early 30s... then become an announcer.
i've never lived my life in the way that i am right now.
i'm fully busting my ass at work and getting lots accomplished.  and it feels good!
my biggest social engagements are hanging with my 2 kids.  they fucking love me.  and i'm loving that.  i know it's only gonna last a few more years, so i'm soaking it up like a junky.  like this is my last month of cocaine and then i'm gonna quit on new years.
and i work out.  i work out insanely.
that's it.
the above takes up 98% of my time.
i don't even hang out with friends.  and this is a weird one, because i used to be so social.  but suddenly i stopped caring about being social... like almost just to try it on.  and i can't take it off!  it's so much fun!

yup, things are different around here.
still taking ambien though.  thank god.

hey did you (by you i mean 'no one') read the note i got from the "R" word heckler?  check out the last post-comments.  is this all i have to do to get readers?  what are some other similarly-offensive-but-then-again-not-that-offensive words?

1.  gay.  i suppose.  but then all the gay rights groups would hate me.  and that'd suck.  because i'm on their team.  and i'd have to start explaining how i'm super gay-friendly, and that i only use the word for fun... because i'm super gay-friendly so i can!
2.  oriental.  that's kind of offensive to people though.  and i'm hot for those people.  well, at least the women.  see prior post

i guess i'll just stop with retard.  i just don't see it.  this seems kinda like STD being changed to STI so that we call it an "illness" not a "disease".

so how's this all gonna turn out?
the new work-horse dr. glitter...
the world's best daddy glitter...
the crazy workout plans ...
social suicide...

i just don't know.

why am i doing this?
like i said with the social stuff.  i started trying it on... i guess i'm enjoying things.
but it sure feels different... that's for sure