11/29/2011

Two year olds look retarded... On ambien

Its fucking hilarious. Go to any preschool class or just look at their picture. You'll see vacant blank stares. Circled by large flaccid fat cheeks. Theres no expression at all. Which is hard enough to do. But add the overwhelming chubbiness, drool/snot, and apathy ... And its gotta be a brain issue.

11/23/2011

Great app idea: emoticums. Porn style emoticons
For the record, my parents are in town. And my father just said (regarding iPhones) "I hate the obligatory connectivity"

11/16/2011

The Las Vegas airport is bizarre, in that everything they sell is designed to alleviate your guilt.

11/14/2011

The prices of youth

Most days I wake up and the mirror shows a 55 year old face. Just an hour later I'm in my early 40s. I peak (or trough) around 7pm when I look about 35.

I can't explain this "incredible hulk"-like transformation. It's shocking. Especially when I feel so hot and confident as I brush my teeth at night. Then wake up and see my DAD in the mirror.

It's also disconcerting. Because my wife and I have most of our sex in the morning. So I guess she wants to pork my dad

It might be the caffeine. It's like a youth serum. Unfortunately it gives me terrible gas. Hot and smelly or look like my dad...
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

11/01/2011

I made it!

That went so well. I have a healthy stomach, esophagus and duodenum yay I'm lucky.
And i can't believe how nice everyone was to me. Kaiser people were super cool. Blew my impression of them.
None of them could believe I did this before without any meds. They promised I'd get some. And I did
Fentanyl and versed. Yummy!
Now I'm groggy and apathetic. But in a real content pleasant way.
Maybe an opiate addiction would be fun!
Anyway, I'm relieved and grateful for my health. It's hard to go into a big city hospital building for care. It feels impersonal and makes me feel like I'm sick. But they helped me feel cared for. And I made it
Phew

Done

Drugs work well
Can't remember much
I'm glad for drugs
They deserve their billion dollar profits
Test was normal. I'm. Gonaa live

did i mention that i'm hungry

i'm actually getting lightheaded when i stand up.  i might pass out.
only 45 more minutes.  yay.  can't wait... to eat!

actually i've done this before.  when i was a resident i had this procedure done.  but i was working that day, so they couldn't give me anesthesia.  they just asked "does anyone want to do one?"  i said "sure!".

without any meds, they put a tube about the size of your thumb into my duodenum.  i was writhing.  it was by far the most uncomfortable feeling of my life.  i can still feel that cold, firm plastic in my throat.  poking inside my stomach.  strange.  bad.

i hope today is better.  i hope they give me fentanyl!

I'm so fucking hungry

This is inhuman. I'll be a shell of a soul by 4:10.