2/27/2011

Snapricorn III - The Resolution

all is right with the world again.  i finally received the right astrological reading.  (for the history, see prior posts, but in short, i got a really fancy $ reading... but for the wrong birthdate).  out of the goodness of her heart, she gave me another one.  no extra charge.  and we used the right birthday this time.

and i found out what i've always suspected:  that i'm perfect, amazing and beautiful.  but a little full of myself.

there's no question... really good astrology is really interesting.

Kunny Loggins

Step 1:  find picture of Kenny Loggins


Step 2:  rotate right, and look at that beardmouth


Voila!  Kunny Loggins

2/26/2011

Blondes and horror, mmmm...

see more from this artist

Gods among us

this post is dedicated to this guy:  Grant Gerson


he created the camp i went to as a kid.  he basically made his own version of the world, for 8 weeks every summer.  we had our own caste system, with the Star Society at the top.  we had own goddess of love:  Mon Li.  his son's ridiculously hot asian wife, who would sunbathe above the boys' cabins.  and we had Grant, who came to campfires in full native american garb, warpaint and all.  he even painted his horse, Cricket.

what i wanted you (my one reader) to think about was... would you ever spend your life, creating a summer camp?  but not just a camp, a whole society, with it's own folklore and culture?  do you know anyone who would?  can you imagine what that would feel like to be one of those people, who would do that?

trip on that!

New Series - Where are they now: Hosni Mubarak

what's he doing right now?

and how much does he fucking love Muammar Gaddafi?


i'm guessing he's eaten pig, in some form, within the last 40 minutes.  I think that statement will be true for the next 2 years.  Then he'll make porn.

2/23/2011

Ambien - Report - the LA NBA All Star Game

don't be a megastar.  but even worse would be to be attempting to be one.  then you'd living in consant need to gain approproval.  aprovoral with a strong relaiable string attached.  and make sure that your new arrangements isnt' going to screw over anyone else.  its all messy in LA

even writing this message, n ambien, tpied int oridig marchmallows, it quite difficult

'it looks like a holte in the beach somewheel.

2/18/2011

Fish win the prize! First to evolve.

Ever since reading "Collapse" by Jared Diamond, I've been fascinated by the idea of organisms evolving to thrive off the "toxic" byproducts of our industrialization.  The idea is this:  we create a surplus of plastic and PBEs and dioxins and a whole bunch of other stuff that's toxic to us.  We don't know what to do with it, so it floats in the ocean.  It doesn't break down, it just sits there.  Diamond sees this as a meal that hasn't yet found it's customer.  But give it time, someone will evolve and go ape-shit over all the free plastic.

Nice idea.  But it's happened before.  Earth used to be swamped in "toxic" oxygen.  Some animals evolved.  They lapped the shit up.  And now we have the Oxygen network, where we meet female convicts who "Snapped" and killed their husbands.

Well it's happened again!  see the filthy fish story
Picture a swampy river in New Jersey, where chemical companies dump their waste.  they've been doing this for 60 years.  at first we got a lot of those three-eyed fish, like on the simpsons.  really.

finally, the fish figured it out.  they're, in the words of some clever blogger "lapping that shit up".

But now we all wanna know:
Does this Kill the environmental movement?
Is al gore on his way to my house right now?
do the fish make a good glow stick for raves?

2/13/2011

The New Jew Ghetto

this is how things are for jews today.  i go outside of my house and see this note on the ground.


What does it all mean?  first of all, i didn't write it.  although i would like to drive a bmw, i can't imagine putting 40K on a new car... 50K?

are people wandering my street asking this question?

is god asking?

was this written by an 8 year old?  it IS in green crayon, on pink paper.

but no, the truth is that my lesbian neighbor was just anguishing over the fact that her partner's bmw was clogging the driveway.  but her's was nowhere to be found.

regardless, i'm astonished!  shocked!

i live in a neighborhood where people scribble uppity crayon notes about their missing beemer.  my great grandparents were lucky to survive germany, russia, austria... wherever.  every day was just another chance to bludgeon a jew.  my grandparents had friends and family put in the Hitler's Holly Hobby Oven.  (i just came up with that!)

and i live next to lesbians.  we're not in a shantytown, we're not a refugee camp, and no one is hiding a thing about their identity.  and our biggest problem on a saturday night was "Where the fuck is my goddamned BMW, you biatch!"

things are pretty good.

maybe i'm just a neurotic jew, but this CAN'T last.

2/11/2011

My friends MADE me blog

maybe i'm egocentric (what blogger isn't?) but i think my friends pushed me into this blogging thing.

don't get me wrong, i like it.  i'm having fun.  and its good!  one reader said this maybe "the best blog ever".

but i'm starting to think my friends want me in therapy, and this is a cheap/easy option.

2/09/2011

Ambien V - Call me creepy, but...

it's kinda fun to stare at people when they talk to you.
in their eyes i'm not staring, i'm listening.  it's a very subtle distinction, but the consequences of both are miles apart.
the thing is, if you're sneaky you can do both and the person talking won't be able to tell.  try it at work.  i did today.  in the middle of some important statement she was making, i just stopped hearing the words and noticed her hair dangling in front of her glasses.  i wasn't turned on.  but i WAS aware that i was blatantly staring at a young woman, from like 2 feet away, and completely getting away with it.
if you tried this in a cafe, a bar, public transit... you'd have some explaining to do.  unless you get them talking.
maybe this is explains that whole 'method' of picking up singles in a bar.  aka "just ask questions/get THEM talking".  it allows you to "listen", while really you're just the harmless stalker version of yourself enjoying a rare intimate moment with another human being.

try it.  its much more interesting than just a pervert stalking someone.  it's very intimate, bizarrely so, considering the scene.

2/06/2011

How to boost my readership. Part I

Start by outlining the "problems"
I guess the first problem is that I have no readership.  So it's hard to boost nothing.  There is essentially, nothing to improve upon.
When I get ice cream late at night (rarely, mind you... just 2 maybe 3 times a week) I NEVER get stopped.  I kinda like the anonymity though.  It's quaint.  Like "OMG, they really don't know who i am."  Thats why i live in this one-horse town.
Just imagine if i had to be "Doctor Glitter" all the time.  That's what drove me out of stand up.  Too much.  This doctor needs his down time.

Maybe I need to get big in the college scene.  Find some "campus diehards" that would bleed for me.  Of course, they'll be outcasts.  they'll get pummeled at parties and plan campus assaults in retaliation.  then they'll find this blog in their history and i'll be OUTed.
ok.  bad idea.  fuck the campus diehards.

how bout hipsters?  maybe leave the name of the blog in random cool places.  like, so cool, that you'd have to be REALLY cool to even figure it out.
like the 'circled' letters in a crossword puzzle spell out D-O-C-T-O-R-G-L-I-T-T-E-R.

i like it.  now if i could only get some hipster diehard to do this for me!

2/01/2011

Ambien IV - Scratch 'n' Sniff Porn

It just makes sense.

At least it did when I was like, 8 years old.  I told everyone on the playground.  It was my first OMG BIG IDEA.  I figured people would listen and run with it.  I figured people were just starving for my brilliant ideas.  It was LA in the 80s.  By now SOMEONE would've done it.











Oh.  They did.  I just found this on page 90 of google.  

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