Go Spit

Every time i brush my kids teeth, and i tell him to "go spit", i start laughing.  all i see is danny glover getting tortured in Lethal Weapon 1.

remember?  his big 80's-tough-guy, i-can-handle-torture line was "go spit".

was the director chopping lines in his trailer during that one?

i mean, almost anything would've been better... like
"Fuck yo mamma"
"You muthafuckaz are dead"
"You better kill my ass good, or my ghost is gonna come back and throat-rape you biatches"

i don't know.  i'm just going off the cuff.  but "go spit"...

then again, it makes brushing fun


down at the ocean

the aliens shootin' up venice beach!

my ambien, my ambien!

that title should be sung to the tune of Rosanna, by Toto.  "All I wanna do when i wake up in the morning is see your eyes.  Rosanna.  Rosanna."

Battle: Los Angeles - the review
this was a pretty solid film. there's lots to be said about the movie and it's place in the pantheon of disaster flicks.  but lets just start with a moment of appreciation for a movie that satisfied the end-of-the-world-movie checklist.
was i scared?  YES
did they have an interesting new slant on "first contact"?  YES
was the alien nasty, gross and mean?  YES

delving deeper...
i really liked the choices they made for filming style.  showing us the attack from the 'full-scale, media blitz' perspective that is so common these days.  you get the sense that it would feel EXACLTY like that.

the movie had a lot of Blackhawk Down, Hurt Locker, District 9.  maybe even video game-ish.  the uber-military perspective was a fun addition to the genre.  when have we EVER seen a street fight with aliens?  it made the aliens seem so vulnerable, despite their technological advantages.  so far ahead of us, yet still just a delicate lifeform that can be outsmarted.
Hans, a reader of Enik Rising agrees:
"First, it's a war film, not a disaster film. The fact that it technically takes place in the United States makes it feel like a disaster, but it really does boil down to a standard issue war movie. It could have been set in Iraq and had almost no changes to the storyline."

i've heard people complain that it's just a long commercial for the Marines.  maybe.  but if it was, so what?  it was a good commercial.  if the aliens do attack, i hope the Marines are that cool!

and maybe the best thing i can say about it, is that i thought about it for days.  whenever i saw a police car, or a helicopter, or a freeway overpass... i got flashbacks.  nice.  damaged.  thank you B:LA.

the one bummer is the lack of people (see prior post)  regular pedestrians.  getting their asses stomped by aliens.  i woulda liked more random bodies and folks hiding in corners.  cute ones too!  where was the awkward alien/hottie moment?


This place is littered with people!

have you noticed how hard it is to be alone these days?  i walk down the street and there's people sleeping in cars, laying on the street, crowding the local fastfood coffee house, or worse just sitting there staring.  like Mark Harmon playing Ted Bundy.

i don't remember things being like this back in the 80s.  granted, i lived in a suburb.  where rent-a-cops pulled you over for looking non-white.

but this overcrowding freaks me out when i think about disasters.  like a tsunami, or an earthquake, or an alien attack.  there's so many goddamned people, it'll just get crazy when this hyperorganized infrastructure-laden society breaks down.  even for an afternoon.  (see any U.S. disaster from the past decade)

today the power went out at lunchtime and the town when nuts.  no one could buy lunch, or shop, or go into any building.  so people just sat on the sidewalk.  it looked like a bomb threat.

this needs to be represented in disaster movies more realistically.  (see post)  War of the Worlds had one scene that spoke to this, where Tom Cruise had his car jacked by a mob, and everyone got on a doomed ferry.  (i was legitimately scared).  but the latest flick, Battle: Los Angeles, didn't convey this very well.  there are 20 million people in the LA area... aliens were engaged in a guerilla-style street war with marines... where the hell were all the people?
a) Raging Waters (where the 10 meets the 210 in San Dimas)
b) the LA metro system
c) in their cars eating Quiznos
d) they didn't have a budget for extras.

the answer is probably "e:  who really wants to have a bunch of extras in every scene?" 

but it would be a good challenge to represent the present state of affairs (that this place is littered with humans) in a disaster genre flick.  because we all know it's coming.  and i wanna know what to do with all these creepy car-sitters.

by the way, the movie is great!  see my review coming later tonight... on ambien!


confessions of an ambien junky

what happens on ambien stays on ambien.  except when you pee on someone's clothes, or blog about it...  then everyone knows.

forgive me for i have sinned.  i unleashed a verbal tounglashing at another driver.
it was a beautiful afternoon.  my son was in the back seat.  we were driving home from a park on the freeway.  at some point i got this intuition to drive very carefully, 'who knows what these people will do'.
one minute later, a small honda 4-door sliced across 3 lanes in one fast swoop.  problem was, i was in that 3rd lane.  she came at my left.  i swerved right, without enough time to see who i was about to hit in the right lane. in my defense, it was self-defense, but it was so irresponsible too.  i then glanced right to see the lane empty as i bounced in.

then, in another instant, things calmed down.  it was over.  i said to myself "i'm alive.  we're alive."

then, in another instant, i WAS anger, up into my neck.  and noticed her car was little.  and there were 4 small very young women in the car.
i honked.  3 long honks.
i started tailing them but my exit was 100 yards away.  then they got in front of me and got off at my exit.

"i'm going to get a chance to confront them", i realized.  giddy.
now i felt rightousness coming.  this was going to be a moment to speak.  to say everything i've wanted to say.  because this wasn't a monster truck, or a meth-head's tricked-out nissan.  i didn't have to fear a response.

we got to the red light next to each other, i opened my window.  i motioned for her to do the same.  (by the way, why do i make a circular motion, like i'm manually rolling down a window?  who does that still?)  then between our cars and across her friends, we had this discussion:
she:  sorry.
me:  you can't do that?!
she:  i'm sorry
me:  that wasn't ok!
she:  yea, i'm sorry
me:  what you did could have killed me, my son inside, or someone else.  very easily.
she:  (looking around)
me:  you cannot drive that way on this planet!

green light and she was gone.  i was still in the moment and not driving.  then i saw a truck in front of me, also not moving.  then i saw a very large man come out of the truck.  he walked to my window, and punched me right in the nose.
next thing i remember i was on my couch with ice on my face.

ok ok, that last parts not true.  it ended with the "...on this planet!" masterpiece.
was i too harsh?
should i have bartered her guilt for sexual favors?
should i have gone the 70s crying indian route?

i feel really bad.  like an abusive husband.  but i really wanted to change her behavior, and maybe teach her friends something.  i'm a grouch... i'm a hero...


Japan, Nukes and Godzilla

There was a great op-ed piece in the NYT today.  link  Peter Wynn Kirby put some context to some things i've been feeling since this disaster in Japan began to unfold.

I've been watching clip after clip of tiny japanese homes destroyed, like they were just miniature models.  we all have.  and i'm sure we've all felt sickened, nauseous, horrified... AND deja vu.

why does this keep happening to Japan?

oh wait, that wasn't japan, that was Godzilla vs. Mothra.  life imitates art.  wasn't it also strange when the World Trade Centers exploded, 5 years after the Empire State Building did in Independence Day?

but even more strange is Japan's long history with nuclear power.  the only country to be nuked (twice) had  another tragedy with nuclear power in 1954 (not coincidentally, the year Godzilla opened) when a US Nuclear test dumped radiation on a japanese fishing boat.  and as the article explains, Godzilla was a metaphor for the nuclear threat that would surely devour this small country.  a country that was always "boxing above it's weight class".

i remember being 10 years old, at the edge of my seat, watching "King Kong vs. Godzilla" (1962 version).  and here we are, once again, watching and praying.


The end of the world is coming!


I'm so fucking excited about the new "End of the world" movie coming 3/11/11.  I think it's called Battle-LA or something.  who cares?  i just can't wait to see everything blow up!  what can i say, i just love that genre.  don't judge me.  DON'T FUCKING JUDGE ME!

and i'm particularly enamored with that picture... because my parents live there!  their house is burning IN THIS PHOTO!  OMG!  The horror!

i've loved all of these movies... even the bad ones.

  1. 2012 - snoozer.  too much impersonal death.  everything was shot like that pic above.  and i love john cusack, in 1989.
  2. The Day the Earth Stood Still - wow.  i really must love this genre, cuz this movie sucked.
  3. Terminator Salvation - Yummy!
  4. The Core - not good.  but good creepy when all the birds got crazy and crashed.  that shits horrifyin!
  5. T3: Rise of the Machines - i saw this movie in India.  i coulda gone to the Taj Mahal.  but India kinda sucks and i was beat.  i needed some comfort-food... and a love affair was born.
  6. The Day After Tomorrow - borrowed it's name from The Day After, cool homage. (see below).  Rule #1 - You flood NYC, you pass.  It passed.
  7. Children of Men - Best in Show, by far.  baby scene is top 10 of all-time.  my favorite part is that my friend saw this because she thought it was about Gay Men having kids together.
  8. War of the Worlds - For horrifying monsters it gets an A.  For Tom Cruise it gets a C, for creepy.  i'd rather have an alien for a father than a face-lifted, Sox-hat-wearing, Maverick-in-a-thick-suit.
  9. Matrix - awww yea.
  10. Armageddon/Deep Impact - which one had John Travolta?
  11. 12 Monkeys - nice work Terry Gilliam.  see this one again people.  it's solid.
  12. Independence Day - this one is my creme brulee with caramelized sugar.
  13. Red Dawn - I could watch Lea Thompson skull-fuck that dead Russian over and over.
  14. The Day After - Jason Robards survives the bomb by hiding under the Volvo dashboard.  Kansas City burns!  finally.
  15. V - if you thought this was good (which i did), i'm sorry, but we were wrong.  i watched it again with some of the world's leading social scientists.  it failed on every scorecard.  then again, they remade it 27 years later... so something worked.


Did you say Oscar?

It's Oscar Week!  yippie.

as a child i always had a hard time distinguishing between oscar gamble and milton berle.

pretty easy to see why.

anyway, since this is a big week in the movie industry, here's my favorite moment from film this year.  no, it wasn't made this year.  but i watched again this year.

In this scene, Gary Oldman's character, with one word, transforms a romping shoot-em-up scene into something extremely intense.

happy movie going!

The Singularity is Coming! RUN!

I really liked this graphic in Time.

I don't think much of that magazine, see older posts.
but the graph is just cool to look at, and brings up lots of questions.
  • if computers pass the mouse in 2015, will PCs still use a mouse?
  • and will i have a iTouch by then?
all guessing about dates gets ridiculous at some point.  wasn't Judgment Day (in Terminator 2) on August 29, 1997.  In the next Terminator it's moved to 2003.  recently it's 2011 in Terminator-related literature.  and now Time's getting in on the act.

kinda trippy huh?  Time is telling us that cyborgs (i.e. some human/computer combined being) will "replace" the prior human existence in 34 years.  shit!  i was gonna retire that year.  more questions:

  • will there still be internet porn?  because that figured prominently in my retirement plans.
  • is the christian 'right' into this concept?  are they 'pushing it' in a way?
  • will this stir panic?  does it matter?

in the end, it doesn't matter.  the day is coming where humans and computers are joined and the future is irrevocably changed.  no one knows the date, but our guesses will always be wrong.  and Time will still suck.


Breast Milk Ice Cream

That's right, someone finally did it (link).  my hat's off to them.  i told my wife to do this years ago, but i clearly wasn't convincing enough.

are there ethical issues here?  personally, i'd be furious if my mom did that.  but thats because she only breast-fed me for 6 weeks, and smoked the whole time.

and what about the diet/lifestyle of the mom?  for some reason we don't care about the diet/lifestyle of cows.  we just assume they ate grass, stood in shit and didn't think much.  but women?  lots more going on there.  i'd like to know if my supplier watches Glee, smokes weed, fights with her partner or is chained up somewhere with mechanical milkers attached to her hoo-hoo's.

I'd absolutely kill for a breve Mommaccino!